Remember my obsession with my site meter?
Remember how it led me to discover that I had a graveyard stalker?
Well, this time it’s contributing to a serious inferiority complex. (Kids, go ask your mom look that up on Wikipedia.)
But, like most of my stories, you’ll need a little bit of background to understand this phenomenon.
See, my site meter tells me, not just WHO visits my site, but HOW they got there.
If you think I’m kidding, think again, because I’m not.
My site meter tells me that some people reach my blog through predictable means.
Such, as, googling “Nicole Hearn”. Or, “Nicole Hearn Blogspot.”
Is that weird?
No, that isn’t weird.
That’s the kind of keyword I love.
People put my name in a search engine and find me.
Isn’t that just so….happy?
It’s the kind of thing that makes a person really want to just die and bequeath all of their money to Google.
Or…not.
But anyway.
People also reach my blog because they want to read about a song I posted.
Which is a little less thrilling. I mean, with all of the brilliance and wit on my blog, the people really come there just to read a post that had, like, THREE sentences (if that) of my own original writing? But it’s true. People search for the violet song I posted. The violet song that is basically one big long run-on, tongue-in-cheek sentence.
And, I do admit it. It’s a pretty cute song.
In fact, want to know how I got the words?
I googled them.
But, back to business: after that, the blog searches really take on brand-new dimensions.
Like this one:
“exuberates in a sentence example”
Or, how about this one?
“random quotes about weekends”
Or—
“good life name of goat”
Good life name of goat? Excuse me? Am I missing something?
I think I must be missing something. Please, let me be missing something.
What could that sentence (sentence?) mean?
No, really. Were they asking what a good lifetime name for a goat was?
What other kind of names do you give goats?
Bad life names?
Half-life names?
Maybe my main question is this: did they find what they were looking for on my site? Did they satisfy their curiosity?
Did they visit again? (Nevermind. I know they didn’t visit again. Because my site meter tells me so.)
But enough time about the goats.
How about this one?
“name Yole”
Yole, ya’ll? Really? Remember, I was the one who didn’t know what Yole meant. Why is google sending poor people to my site for enlightenment, when I’ll only knock them further into despair? Is that fair? Is that really going to help global morale?
There are other keywords. But one of them really takes the cake.
No, really. Takes the cake.
“What are the real poofy scarf things called?”
And, uh, that search obviously led them here. To that picture that my mom said made me look like I outweighed an entire village of Asian sumo wrestlers. To the story about the kid named Grease who pulled his ipod out only long enough to claim prize after prize he won in a raffle. To the story about the fluffy white hat and the Leisure League singers.
Tell me: would you be traumatized if you were innocently searching for a poofy scarf, and if your search led you to that story?
I like keywords. I like figuring out from whence my blog readers have come. It’s reasonably nice to know that Google knows I exist. But remember how I started this post by saying that I was having a serious little inferiority issue?
Well, let me explain where that all comes in.
Pull up a chair and sit down, kids.
Pour yourself some tea. Nevermind. I don’t like tea.
Ice-cream?
Okay. Now that you’re nicely settled, let me explain this whole story in very Palin plain English: among all of the keywords that lead people to my site, among all of the poofy scarves and the goat-naming parties and the name Yole and the weekend quotes, want to know the keyword that most frequently brings people from Google to nicolereneehearn.blogspot.com?
Oh. I see your ice-cream bowl is empty. That was fast.
Seconds? No? Are you sure? Then back to the story.
It’s two words.
Jay Hearn.
Jay Hearn.
Jay Hearn.
If you’re one of the five or so people left in North America who haven’t yet googled his name, Jay Hearn is my brother. And apparently he’s somewhat of a minor celebrity on the World Wide Web.
Now, you’ll indulge me if I have a few deep philosophical comments:
Isn’t it just a little bit unreasonable, that I should take the time to type the few blog posts I actually get around to posting and then that he should swoop in and be responsible for half of my readership base? Is that really fair? I mean, I really do love Jay. And it’s not like I’ve never googled him. But still, people. One in every four times that someone types something in on google and lands on my blog, that “something” they typed was “Jay Hearn”.
Okay. I’m off my soapbox now.
And I’d like to finish up this blog post with a good deed. To the unlucky individual who thought that they would find out the perfect name for a goat by visiting my site, let me help make up for the disappointment you certainly experienced when you actually clicked on my link.
Tell me what you were feeling.
Tell me about how difficult it has been for your poor nameless goat. Tell me how embarrassed he’s been with this identity crisis.
Is it good to get that off your chest?
There, child. Have a good cry. It’s okay.
Let me make this problem go away for you.
Name your goat Yole.
You’re welcome.
48 comments:
Nicole, I've had a lot to laugh about today. But...this was...(*pauses to remember really bad metaphor*) the cream in the oatmeal of my day, as far as humor is concerned. =)
very funny :)
I love your style of writing.
What site meter do you use? I have two different ones on mine, one of them i like ok, but I haven't found one that i just really love. I would like to try the one you use, let me know some more info whenever you get the chance please!
Oh, Nicole! You're hilarious! I know where to come when I need a laugh. ;)
And just so you know, I'm not one of the one's Googling your brother's name. Feel better? :-P
Kara A.
Seriously, why do you HAVE to be so funny?! :) Love ya, sis.
Ok. . . So I Goggled "Jay Hearn"
Huh. . . .
Oh my goodness...it has been a long time since I laughed this hard. Someone gave me a link and...I'm laughing. HARD.
Thanks so much, and God bless you.
women taking viagra viagra buy effects of viagra too much viagra cialis levia and viagra viagra patent viagra canada viagra from canada does viagra really work viagra rrp australia viagra vs cialis cheap viagra nz cheap viagra overnight buy cheap viagra online
It was very interesting for me to read that blog. Thank author for it. I like such topics and anything connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more soon.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
Don't stop posting such articles. I love to read blogs like that. Just add some pics :)
My friend and I were recently talking about the prevalence of technology in our day to day lives. Reading this post makes me think back to that debate we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.
I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Societal concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory decreases, the possibility of transferring our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's one of the things I really wish I could experience in my lifetime.
(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://cryst4lxbands.livejournal.com/398.html]R4 SDHC[/url] DS NetSurf)
Cool blog you got here. I'd like to read more about that theme. Thnx for sharing this info.
Up sprightly the trunk with two backs casinos? jab into this youthful [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] managing foreman and air aside online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
you can also inquire our untrained [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] inappreciable counsel at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and accessible imprisonment unswerving to spice means !
another late-model [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino spiele[/url] hiring is www.ttittancasino.com , as opposed to of german gamblers, beget the rise done released online casino bonus.
Good brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you as your information.
Hello. Great job. I did not expect this on a Wednesday. This is a great story. Thanks!
Hello. And Bye.
pat exposed this without carry or excite [url=http://www.casinoapart.com]casino[/url] overdose at the most unmistakable [url=http://www.casinoapart.com]online casino[/url] signal with 10's of spiffy [url=http://www.casinoapart.com]online casinos[/url]. outfit [url=http://www.casinoapart.com/articles/play-roulette.html]roulette[/url], [url=http://www.casinoapart.com/articles/play-slots.html]slots[/url] and [url=http://www.casinoapart.com/articles/play-baccarat.html]baccarat[/url] at this [url=http://www.casinoapart.com/articles/no-deposit-casinos.html]no pain down casino[/url] , www.casinoapart.com
the finest [url=http://de.casinoapart.com]casino[/url] to UK, german and all to the world. so on the side of the cork [url=http://es.casinoapart.com]casino en linea[/url] stumbling-block us now.
good afternoon bros. I'm actually into shoes and I was looking for the sake of that exact make. The prices as regards the sneakers were approximately 230 dollars everwhere. But finally I base this site selling them as a remedy for half price. I absolutely like these [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will definetly buy them. what do you think?
good morning people. I'm actually into shoes and I had been looking for the sake of that exact make. The prices for the shoes were around 330 pounds everwhere. But completely I bring about this location selling them as a remedy for half price. I in reality want these [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will definetly purchase these. what is your opinion?
It isn't hard at all to start making money online in the undercover world of [URL=http://www.www.blackhatmoneymaker.com]seo blackhat[/URL], It's not a big surprise if you have no clue about blackhat marketing. Blackhat marketing uses not-so-popular or not-so-known ways to generate an income online.
Do You interesting how to [b]Buy Viagra per pill[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Buy Viagra per pill[/b][/url]<<<[/size]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!
Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]
Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.deutafilm.ru]buy generic viagra online in canada[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]female viagra christmas discounts
enhancing the viagra review
viagra and hearing loss
men and viagra
buy online levitra cialis viagra
Ntg And Viagra
Viagra Headache Cure
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.
buy tramadol online tramadol capsules 50mg for dogs - tramadol 100mg side effects
top [url=http://www.xgambling.org/]free casino games[/url] hinder the latest [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/]casino las vegas[/url] autonomous no deposit reward at the chief [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]baywatchcasino
[/url].
buy tramadol for dogs ultram-tramadol.us - tramadol hcl 50mg dosage
tramadol online pharmacy buy tramadol without rx - tramadol vs hydrocodone withdrawal
buy tramadol tramadol high liver enzymes - tramadol hydrochloride 50 mg high
order alprazolam cheap generic xanax no prescription - buy alprazolam india
tramadol without prescription tramadol 93 58 information - tramadol bioavailability
cheap carisoprodol carisoprodol oral side effects - carisoprodol 350 mg xanax
cialis online canada cialis online south africa - cialis trial offer
xanax no prescription xanax effects - buy xanax ireland
buy cialis from canada cheap cialis online australia - buy cialis online us no prescription
discount cialis how to order cialis - buy cialis online us
tadalafil tablets cialis online us - cialis online reliable
purchase tramadol tramadol kidney disease - legal buy tramadol online usa
learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol ultram ingredients - dosage for tramadol 100mg
http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#28875 buy generic tramadol online - tramadol 50mg weight loss
http://landvoicelearning.com/#57594 tramadol withdrawal medication - purchase tramadol com
http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#63102 tramadol hcl urban dictionary - tramadol jerking
klonopin for sale 2mg clonazepam and alcohol - how to order klonopin online
This is a good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.
Brief but very precise information… Many thanks for sharing this one.
A must read post!
Have a look at my website - ralph lauren outlet online
Generally I don't learn post on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do it! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, quite great post.
Also visit my blog post ... ray ban sunglasses outlet
Hi there, its good post concerning media
print, we all be aware of media is a enormous source of facts.
My web blog ... Cheap Ray Bans
Does your site have a contact page? I'm having problems locating it but, I'd like
to send you an e-mail. I've got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.
Also visit my blog post: Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
Does your blog have a contact page? I'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd
like to shoot you an email. I've got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.
Feel free to surf to my page ... cheap ralph lauren
Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog!
We are a group of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on.
You have done a wonderful job!
Also visit my homepage: ralph lauren outlet store
Hi there, I enjoy reading all of your article.
I like to write a little comment to support you.
Also visit my blog ... CHI Hair Straightener
Excellent post. I used to be checking continuously this
blog and I am inspired! Very helpful info specially the ultimate
section :) I care for such information much. I used to be seeking this particular info for a very lengthy time.
Thanks and best of luck.
Feel free to visit my web page; Oakley Sunglasses Cheap
Post a Comment